Have you ever found yourself asking, “Why does this always happen to me?” or “Why can’t I get past this?” These kinds of questions can feel natural when we’re struggling, but they often keep us stuck in the past, reinforcing feelings of powerlessness.
The truth is, the questions we ask ourselves shape the way we think, feel, and act. When we repeatedly ask why, our brains search for evidence to confirm our struggles, often bringing up old patterns and reinforcing limiting beliefs. Instead of moving forward, we can find ourselves trapped in a loop of self-doubt and frustration.
Why 'why' keeps us stuck
Asking why tends to focus on the past, searching for explanations rather than solutions. While it can sometimes be useful to understand the root of a problem, it rarely provides a clear path forward. For example:
- Why do I always struggle with confidence?
- Why do I feel so stuck in my life?
- Why can’t I change?
These questions keep us in a passive state, making it harder to take action. They focus on problems rather than possibilities
Shifting to 'How Will' Questions
A simple yet powerful shift can change everything: instead of why, ask how will?
How will I start building confidence today?
How will I take one small step towards change?
How will I find new ways to move forward?
These questions open up possibilities and encourage action. They shift the focus from the past to the future and from obstacles to solutions.
The Science Behind It
When we ask solution-focused questions, we activate the brain’s problem-solving mechanisms. The mind naturally seeks answers, so when we ask how will?, we start looking for constructive ways to move forward. This shift creates a sense of empowerment and momentum, making change feel more achievable.
A key player in this process is the Reticular Activating System (RAS)—the part of the brain that filters information based on what we focus on. When we ask limiting why questions, the RAS looks for evidence to confirm our struggles. However, when we ask how will?, the RAS starts scanning for opportunities, solutions, and actions that align with moving forward. This subtle but powerful shift in focus can make all the difference in breaking free from limiting beliefs and creating meaningful change.
How to Start Using Empowering Questions
- Become aware of when you’re asking why in a way that keeps you stuck.
- Reframe your questions – When you catch yourself asking why, rephrase it as how will?
- Take small steps – Once you ask how will?, commit to one small action based on your answer.
- Practice daily – The more you use empowering questions, the more natural they will become, helping you create a mindset focused on growth and possibility.
Final Thoughts
Empowering questions can create a significant shift in how you approach challenges. By replacing why with how will?, you invite forward movement, resilience, and positive change.
So, the next time you find yourself stuck in a why spiral, pause and ask instead: How will I move forward? You might be surprised by the answers you discover.
