Are You Motivated By Pain or Purpose?
We all want to make positive changes—eat better, set boundaries, pursue dreams. But if you’ve ever started strongly only to lose momentum, it might not be a lack of discipline—it might be your type of motivation.
This post is an exploration of the difference between away-from and towards motivation, how they affect our behaviour, and how to use them more effectively.
What Are ‘Away-From’ and ‘Towards’ Motivation?
Away-from motivation is driven by discomfort or fear.
You act because you want to escape something: a toxic job, a difficult relationship, poor health, shame, overwhelm.
It gets things moving.
But once the immediate pain fades, so can your momentum
Towards motivation is driven by desire, purpose, or values.
You act because you’re drawn to something better: creativity, freedom, health, peace, contribution.
It aligns with your longer-term goals
But it can feel less urgent in the short term
Why This Matters:
Understanding your motivation style can help you:
- Avoid burnout from chasing relief
- Stay engaged even when things get hard
- Make decisions that reflect your true values, not just your fears
You can find out more about your values in my free
downoad that you can get here
Common Signs of Each Type of Motivation:
Away from Motivation
"I need to get out of this situation"
Driven by anxiety
Motivation dips once discomfort eases
Feels like survival
Towards Motivation
"I want to grow into this version of myself"
Driven by inspiration or clarity
Motivation builds over time
Feels like creation
What If You Use Both?
That’s the sweet spot.
Use away-from motivation to spark change, and towards motivation to sustain it.
Example:
“I want to stop people-pleasing because it’s exhausting (away-from), and because I value authentic connection and self-respect (towards).”
My own personal one is "I go the the gym to avoid the wheelchair the surgeon told me I would need, and because I want to be as fit and able as I can be for my little grandson"
How to Shift Gears When You Get Stuck:
- Notice what’s driving you
Ask: Am I running away from something or moving toward something I care about? - Identify what you truly want
What does “better” actually look and feel like for you? - Ground it in values
If you're shifting habits, link them to what matters most to you (freedom, creativity, peace, etc.). - Check in regularly
Motivation shifts—stay connected to your “why,” especially when things get easier or harder.
Final Thoughts:
There's no "wrong" motivation—both serve a purpose. But when you start to harness both with awareness, you're more likely to create changes that last.
Understanding your partner's motivation can help you in your relationship.
