Introduction
Sometimes the habits we want to change feel like they’ve got a life of their own. We find ourselves scrolling late at night, snacking when we’re not hungry, or turning on the TV without even deciding to.
It’s not that we’re lazy or lacking in willpower, our brains are simply wired to choose what’s easy. Which means if you want to break a habit, you don’t need to fight yourself… you just need to make the habit a little harder to do.
A phone left in another room. Chocolate on the top shelf. The TV remote tucked away in a drawer. These aren’t punishments. They are gentle ways of giving yourself the gift of choice.
Here’s why this works, how to do it, and some simple tweaks you can try today.
Want to Break a Habit? Make It Harder to Do
Recently, we looked at how to make good habits easier by making them visible. This week, we’re flipping the strategy on its head:
If you want to break, or at least spend less time on, a habit, make it harder to do.
This is a gentle, yet powerful approach rooted in behavioural science. It’s not about beating yourself up, relying on sheer willpower, or making sweeping declarations. It’s about quietly adjusting your environment so the habit you’re trying to reduce is just… less convenient.
Why This Works: The Science of Friction
Human behaviour is shaped by what psychologists call friction, which is the effort, time, or inconvenience it takes to do something.
BJ Fogg, a behaviour scientist at Stanford, explains in Tiny Habits that when friction is low, behaviour is more likely; when friction is high, behaviour is less likely. James Clear, in Atomic Habits, puts it simply: “Increase the friction associated with bad behaviours. Decrease the friction associated with good behaviours.”
Neuroscience offers an even deeper explanation. Our brains evolved to conserve energy, which means we’re wired to take the path of least resistance. When something is easy, we do it more often, sometimes without even thinking. When something is harder, we pause. That pause creates space for choice.
Making a Habit Less Automatic
Breaking a habit often fails when we try to go “cold turkey” without changing the surrounding conditions. The old cues are still there, the path is still well-trodden in our neural circuits, and our environment still invites the same behaviour.
Instead, environmental design works by inserting subtle obstacles — adding just enough effort that the automatic action is interrupted.
For example:
- Phone scrolling in the morning: Leave your phone in another room before bed. Use a basic alarm clock instead. No phone by the bed = no reflex scroll.
- Mindless snacking: Keep crisps or sweets in a high cupboard or an opaque container. Or don’t buy them at all.
- Evening TV bingeing: Put the remote in a drawer and keep a book or puzzle on the sofa instead.
- Late-night social media: Log out of your accounts each time, or move the apps from your home screen.
Friction in Action: Real-Life Examples
- Reducing online shopping: Remove stored payment details from websites. Having to find your card and type in numbers gives you a window to reconsider the purchase.
- Cutting down on caffeine
Store coffee at the back of a cupboard and put tea or herbal infusions in the most accessible spot. - Breaking the snooze button cycle
If you want to get up earlier but can’t resist hitting snooze, put your alarm clock across the room. Standing up to turn it off is just enough effort to break the half-asleep habit loop.
Mozarts’s Dad, when he wanted the young Mozart to get out of bed in the morning, used to play a short piece on the piano and leave the last cord unresolved and the young genius would leap out of bed to pay the last note!
The Role of Self-Compassion
It’s worth saying this clearly: Struggling to break a habit is not a personal failure.
Many habits. especially the ones we label as “bad”, are actually coping strategies. They’ve helped you manage stress, boredom, or discomfort in some way. This is why trauma-informed practitioners emphasise replacing rather than simply removing.
When you make a habit harder to do, you’re not depriving yourself, you’re creating room for other choices. And you can fill that space with something more nourishing.
How to Pair Friction with Replacement
- Identify the cue
What triggers the habit? Time of day, emotion, location, or object? - Add friction to the habit
Make it less convenient, as we’ve discussed. - Make an alternative easier
If you’re reducing evening TV, keep a blanket and a book on the sofa so reading feels cosy and accessible. - Celebrate small wins
Even one skipped automatic habit is progress.
The Power of “One More Step”
You don’t have to make a habit impossible to do as that often backfires. The aim is simply to add one more step between you and the behaviour.
Instead of banning chocolate, put it in the garage freezer. Instead of swearing off social media, just log out after each use. These micro-delays create micro-decisions, and that’s where your power lies.
When It Gets Tricky
Some habits are stubborn because they’re tied to strong emotional needs or social contexts. In these cases, environmental friction still helps, but you may also need:
- Emotional regulation tools: breathing exercises, tapping, Havening
- Accountability: a friend who checks in
- Replacement routines: a walk after dinner instead of dessert, or stretching instead of scrolling
If you slip up, please remember it’s part of the process. Research shows that occasional lapses don’t erase your progress but consistency over time matters far more.
Step-by-Step: Making a Habit Harder to Do
- Pick one habit to reduce, not three at once.
- Identify the easiest change you can make to add friction.
- Adjust your environment today, not “next week.”
- Pair it with a visible alternative if possible.
- Check in after two weeks. Is the habit happening less often without you having to think about it?
Final Thoughts
Breaking a habit doesn’t have to be a battle of willpower. By making the habit harder to do, you turn down the autopilot and turn up your ability to choose.
Every small barrier you place between yourself, and the behaviour gives you a moment to pause, and in that pause lies the opportunity to become more of the person you want to be.
So, choose one habit. Add one layer of friction. And watch what happens.
If you want to explore emotional regulation tools then....
References
- Fogg, B. J. (2019). Tiny Habits: The Small Changes That Change Everything. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.
- Clear, J. (2018). Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones. Avery.
- Neal, D. T., Wood, W., Labrecque, J. S., & Lally, P. (2012). How do habits guide behavior? Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 48(2), 492–498. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jesp.2011.10.011
- Duckworth, A. L., Gendler, T. S., & Gross, J. J. (2016). Situational strategies for self-control. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 11(1), 35–55. https://doi.org/10.1177/1745691615623247
